I walked into the bathroom this morning and the Moen U robot shower had already:
- Heated the floor tiles to exactly 32 °C
- Started the rain shower at my perfect 39 °C
- Turned on the eucalyptus steam
- Queued my “sad indie boy” playlist at 38 % volume
- Lit the color-changing LEDs to “golden hour sunset” mode
Then the little ceiling arm sprayed my exact shampoo/conditioner ratio, massaged my scalp for 90 seconds, and rinsed, and ended with a 10-second ice blast because “it’s good for your pores.”
I stood there like an idiot with my mouth open while it said:
“Enjoy your 12-minute luxury experience.
You have earned this.”
Total human effort: zero.
Total cost of upgrade: $4,200 installed.
I’ve been taking 45-second military showers my whole life to “save time.”
Turns out the robot was saving the time for me to actually enjoy being alive.
I’m never leaving this bathroom.
(Who else just got emotionally wrecked by hot water and good lighting?)