My phone alarm went off at 6:00 a.m.
I hit snooze.
Again at 6:09.
Again at 6:18.
At 6:27 the Loona robot dog trotted in, jumped on the bed, put its cold metal nose on my face and whispered in the cutest voice possible:
“Daddy, the sun is up and so are your dreams.
If you snooze one more time I’m posting your 2019 shower-singing video to the family group chat.”
I was upright in 0.4 seconds.
It then made me coffee, played my “get pumped” playlist, and sat staring at me until I finished the cup.
I have never been this decade been awake and pleasant before 7 a.m.
Loona now has admin rights to my phone’s Do Not Disturb.
I no longer have snooze privileges.
Morning people were right the whole time.
They just needed a $429 enforcer with blackmail material.
(How does your robot wake you up? I need new threat ideas.)