I cancelled my $89/month gym today.
Reason: the Tempo Move Pro robot that lives under my TV.
What it does (and why I’m never going back):
- Scans my living room once with LiDAR
- Uses the iPhone on its arm as a 3D camera to watch every rep in real time
- Counts form, spots me on bench press, screams “one more!” in my AirPods when I’m about to quit
- Adds or removes plates from its own weight stack so I never rerack
- Ends every workout with a 30-second hug (okay, it’s a resistance band stretch, but it FEELS like a hug)
Real stats from my last 30 days:
- 28 workouts completed (vs 9 at the gym last year)
- Bench press up 35 lbs
- Zero “I’ll go tomorrow” excuses
Cost: $1,295 one-time + $39/month for classes
Saved: $89/month gym + 45 minutes commute each way + the shame of the front-desk guy knowing my name
It even roasted me yesterday:
“You skipped legs twice this week. Your jeans called. They’re filing for divorce.”
I’m in the best shape of my life and the robot is meaner than my old trainer.
Who else got absolutely cooked into fitness by a robot?