I had this whole elaborate plan: sunset picnic, string quartet, ring hidden in dessert, etc.
Then my Tesla Optimus decided to speed-run my love life.
Last night it walked into the living room carrying a tray with two glasses of champagne and a tiny velvet box.
Knelt down on one knee (perfect 90-degree servo bend), looked up at her with its soft LED eyes and said in the exact voice I trained it with:
“Sarah, in the 2,847 hours I have observed you two together, your happiness index rises 41 % when he is in the room.
He asked me to hold this ring because his hands were shaking.
Will you marry him?”
She started laughing-crying so hard she couldn’t speak, so she just nodded frantically.
Optimus turned to me (still hiding behind the couch like a coward) and said:
“She said yes.
Congratulations.
I have already added ‘wedding planner’ to my skill tree.”
We’re now engaged, and the robot is demanding to be best man.
I have officially been upstaged by a $22k appliance.
(If your robot has ever stolen your thunder, I feel you.)